A few years ago, sitting in a team meeting I wrote on my notes, “learn to lament.” I went home and forgot about that, but my heart kept being drawn to the desire to understand what it means to lament. I read a book on prayer and wrote notes on the chapter on lament. Later I did a Bible study on Psalms hoping that would help me. I wanted to learn how to lament.

In many ways, I think I need to wait until this year to really learn how to lament. This year through cancer and other events, I have learned about lament. I have learned how to lament. It has helped me in so many ways that I want to share it with you.

What is Lament?

Lament is to feel and express sorrow, or to mourn. For the Christian lament is the way to communicate with God through our suffering, disappointment, and sorrow.

Lament is a type of prayer. Our lamenting needs to be addressed to God.

Lament should bring us to praise God. As we talk through our sorrow and disappointment, we should be understanding more about God. Our suffering, disappointment and sorrow should bring us closer to God. Lament should deepen our relationship with God.

We all want a deeper relationship with God so learn to lament. It might not feel natural to talk to God about these feelings. You might even want to put the feelings aside and ignore them, but that is not deepening our relationship with God. Learn to be honest with God about your feelings.

I shared some of the characteristics of God that you need to know before you lament.

Elements of Lament

• Compliant or expression sorrow, disappointment, suffering
• Confession
• Bold Request
• Reflection of God’s Character
• Praise and Worship

Complaint

“What are you saying I am to complain to God? I thought we are not to complain.”

Yes, we are not to grumble and complain. Philippians 2:14 but there is a godly complaint. We need to learn godly complaining as part of our lamenting.

You can grumble and complain to yourselves. The words said under your breath or the things you think. That is just within you, but if you are not careful that can lead to bitterness, envy, and discontentment. The result is not one that glorifies God and draws you closer to God. That is the grumbling that Paul is telling you not to do.

Then you can grumble and complain to others. It might be complaining about what is happening or not happening to a friend. It could be directed to a spouse wanting them to feel guilty and change. Similar to the grumbling within ourselves this complaining does not draw yourself and others closer to God but can cause envy, conflicts, and additional complaints.

The godly complaining is taking the complaint and tell God. This is not blaming God but talking to him about what is happening or how we are feeling. Remember he already knows your thoughts and feelings so be honest with him. He can do something. He will give comfort.

So take your complaint to God in a godly manner. Don’t stop there continue to lament. The goal is to praise God.

I am thankful to my friend for sharing these thoughts and discussing them with me.

Confession

Not every sorrow, suffering, or disappointment comes from our sin. Confession should just be a pause as you are lamenting. Take time to pause to examine our own heart. Is there something that you need to confess before God?

Bold Request

What do you want God to do? David had a bold request and he spent days praying and pleading with God to spare the life of his son. (2 Samuel 12:16-24) David was bold in asking God to deliver him from his enemies. Again be honest with God, what do you want him to do. He may answer that way or choose a better way.

Reflection of God’s Character

As you go through the elements of lamenting, you should be drawing closer to God. Often this begins with a “but” or “yet”. You can make a bold request and then rest in God’s character. Why can you ask for that request? Because God is good, God is mighty, or God is just. Reflect on who God is and that will just lead into the next element, praise and worship.

Praise and Worship

The result of lamenting should be to praise and worship God. In the sorrow in the disappointment, you can praise God that he is with you. You can be assured that he cares about his children. You can praise him for his goodness even if it is not what we desire, we know that God is good. God never changes and that is worth praising. Praise God for who he is. You will discover that your focus will move from your situation and focus on God.

Learn to Lament, Live to Praise

Learn How to Lament Big and Small Disappointments

I took the thermometer out of my mouth and looked at the numbers, 38C. No, not another fever. Because of chemo, I knew what a fever meant. It meant a call to the hospital and at minimum a visit and possible overnight stay. Before I even got out of bed and made the call, I lamented the fever. It was a quick lament.

“God, I don’t want another fever. I know what it means and I just want to avoid this. Please take the fever away so that I can avoid spending time in the hospital. I know you have been faithful the last time I had a fever and was in the hospital. Yet, despite the fever, I will rejoice that you are God. You are mighty. You are worthy of my praise. I will praise you.”

That quick lament helped me to redirect my focus. It didn’t take away the problem. I still had a fever and that time ended up in the hospital for three nights. Yet, I could praise God.

Don’t just think that lamenting is for the big things in life – death, major illness, tragedy, etc. Lamenting is also for the little disappointments as well.

Suggestions to help you Lament

Lamenting can take time. Don’t feel that you need to rush and get it done.

I would suggest that for big things you take some time and even write down the complaints, just to understand all the impact that has. I did that in a reflection titled, I Have Cancer.

Take the time to write out your lament. Writing just helps to slow down and think, to ponder the truth.

Share your lament with others. Encourage others to lament. There might even be times that together as a small group or with your family you write a lament.

 

Lamenting has blessed me in so many ways, I just want to help others to learn to lament in a way that will draw them closer to God. There is so much more that I could write but this post is already long. I will save that for a book.

Here is an article that I wrote for my church about how lament has helped me these past months.

 

Learn to Lament. Live to Praise.

How has lament deepened your relationship with God? Let’s encourage each other. Share it in the comments.

Here is a review of some books on lament.