Don’t pity me because I am a Special Needs Mom.

I recently read an illustration in a Christian book on suffering that left me feeling as if the woman in the illustration was feeling pity for the special needs parents. This woman spoke about seeing a child with Down Syndrome fall. The woman felt sorrow that she would never reach her human potential and do amazing things.

Don’t pity me. Ask me how I have seen God work in my life through a daughter with special needs. Ask what God is teaching me about himself.

I am a Christian mom who has a daughter with special needs. As I live each day and year, I see more and more how children with special needs can show us truths about God. I have learnt so much and will continue to learn. I want to share these truths to encourage others whether you are a special needs mom or a mom with normal children.

My goal in writing this is to remind us of the Biblical truth and not to be drawn into the world’s perspective. Each of us needs to be grounded in Biblical truth to be able to respond. I want to draw us back to the Biblical truth.

Human Potential

The world values those who perform. We look up to them for what they can do – run a race the fastest, go further than before, climb higher, etc. Often the question is asked, “are you living up to your potential?” Some might look down on children with special needs claiming they are not living up to their potential.

The problem is we are using the wrong measuring stick. We need to use God’s measuring stick.

The first question in the Westminster Catechism asks,  “What is the chief end of man?” The answer simply is, “Man’s chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.”

Pause and read that again. What is the chief end of man?

Now contrast that with how the world would answer that question with the following, “Man’s chief end is to produce more, be faster, climb higher, or set new records.”  That is not God’s truth. “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.” 1 Corinthians 10:31 (ESV)

How do children with special needs glorify God? We need to understand what to glorify God means.  Here is what John Piper says, “Glorifying” means feeling and thinking and acting in ways that reflect his greatness, that make much of God, that give evidence of the supreme greatness of all his attributes and the all-satisfying beauty of his manifold perfections.”

I think in many ways children with special needs can do it much better. They glorify God by loving people unconditionally, slowing down to enjoy the world around them, showing patience, expressions of joy, and numerous other ways. How do you see children with special needs glorifying God?

Everything if my daughter’s favourite. I have seen her tell someone who prepared a meal for us, smile and have joy hearing her say, “it’s my favourite.” She appreciates things, expresses joy, and tells people that. That is reflecting God.

It seems that because of Joni Eareckson Tada’s disability she has been able to minister to others in more ways. She understands and speaks from her own life. Fanny Crosby wrote numerous hymns that speak of God’s truths and his love and care for his children. Would she have “seen” the same truths if she were not blind? Rather I see that because of the disability God has used them in a mighty way. Disability helped them glorify God.

For yourself and a child with special needs remember to God’s measuring stick and not the world’s. It is about who we are – reflections of God and not what we do.

Doing Amazing Things

What are the amazing things that are done in a person’s life? How many people discover a new scientific principle? Not many. How many people find a cure for a medical condition? Not many. If we define amazing things that way, not many normal people are doing amazing things.

So what are the amazing things that this woman was thinking of? I would love to sit and chat with this woman to understand what she is thinking but that is not possible. I am assuming some of her thoughts and trying to understand.

Again, this is similar to living up to human potential. This is focusing on what produced, discovered, or created.

What does God want from us? He wants our love. “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” Deuteronomy 6:5 (ESV)

Moses had a speech impediment and he did an amazing thing — lead the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. Paul had a thorn in the flesh which was a disability of some sort and he did amazing things — travelling and proclaiming the gospel, writing letters, and encouraging the church. That is amazing!

Do not limit with a child with special needs can do but remember what God really wants. Loving God is the amazing thing that each of us can do.

Closing Thoughts

Evaluate what you read even if it is a Christian book written by a well-known individual and published by a conservative publisher. Evaluate what you see on social media. Just because it has a nice picture and carefully crafted words it might not be Biblical. Ask yourself, “Does this match with the teachings of Scripture?”

Know God’s truths. That comes from reading the Bible. Read the whole Bible to know God’s truth. With a humble heart encourage others to know God’s truths.

Don’t pity me for having a child with special needs. Talk to me, ask questions, and listen to what is happening.

Moms and dads of special needs children, keep your eyes focused on what God is asking us to do – glorify Him and love Him. Our children can do that and can teach us how to do it. Don’t be discouraged by the world’s measuring stick. Look to God.

Moms and dads of normal children the same truths apply. Teach your children that living up to their human potential is to glorify God as a scientist, a doctor, or a plumber. Teach your children to love God.

Here are some other reflections on Special Needs:

The Best Place – In God’s Hands

Special Needs Parents

Look for my book in 2021. I will share little ways I saw myself falling into the world’s perspective to achieve and how I have found freedom in knowing the Biblical truths. Sign up for my newsletter so you can keep updated on the book.

 

PS – In many ways I don’t like using the term “normal” children because we are all broken and need to be redeemed but that word helps to contrast with those who identify with special, extra, or additional needs.

I was thrilled to have this post features on Grace & Truth.